Meditation

It has been a while. Blogging feels strange. I'm not much of an internet user. I prefer to write in my journal, which is what I have been doing. Unfortunately I left my journal at home during the holiday break so I have not had the opportunity to gather my thoughts and express myself fully.  So many of my emotions have just been kept inside me. It is becoming overwhelming. I feel like I am carrying a heavy box of unopened letters around with me everywhere I go. Occasionally a letter may drop unintentionally and someone might read it. They become curious and they want more. I'm a quiet spirit though. I don't say much. I have no reason to do so. I do what I need to do and try to avoid unnecessary conflict. Things have been alright and I am just taking it as it comes.

Track is wonderful. I am doing well and I actually enjoying coming to practice for a change. 

All of my previous concerns about post graduation plans have been erased. I found out last week that I was accepted into the Teach for America program and I am ecstatic. I was selected to teach in the Greater New Orleans region for two years and I have already accepted the offer. It's a complete change for me and I can't wait to be back down south. I'm tired of New Jersey. Change is good. 

My hair is growing. It's hair. That is what it's supposed to do. I'm just going to let is grow. I can't wait until the summer. I'm too pale right now. My skin looks sickly and lifeless. I need sun. 

I spend thirty minutes meditating today, It was peaceful and I found myself in a peaceful place. I tried to find a happy place but that failed so I searched for a peaceful one. One surrounded by sadness and pain yet peaceful nonetheless. I was sitting on a dock by a river or a stream in a marshland surrounded by trees. It was hot and musty but not without the occasional cool sweet summer breeze. I had to have been in the south but I felt out of place. It was almost as though I found myself looking in on another era and another time and place that once existed. The scene was melancholic and somber. Black people surrounded me. My people. They were sweaty and their clothing reduced to rags. I found myself on a dock stepping onto a small boat that would slowly drift me away from the sadness on land. The people on the land worked tirelessly. Carrying a load or a burden of some sort. Working constantly. They were sweaty and would stare out in to the water at me with tired and sad eyes. I found peace though. I looked up into the sky and found peace. It is so strange to me that this was the only place I could find in my mind that was peaceful. I tried many different places. My mind took me to the beach in the tropics but I felt like a tourist as if I did not belong. My mind took me into a secret world deep inside a forest where I came across a stunning waterfall. I also found myself at the tip of a mountain maybe with hopes of trying to be close to God. I don't know why but I found myself at that dock and I stayed there for a very long time. I didn't want to leave. 

I will attempt to meditate every day at least twice a day.